Talking to strangers enriches our lives in countless ways

Summary

Nutrition label

65% Informative

First encounters with strangers are, by their nature, unexpected.

That’s what makes them so potentially electric.

From 1985 onwards, New York began closing down institutions that were deemed to promote “high-risk sexual activity”, especially those used by gay men, such as bathhouses and the porn theatres of Times Square .

Unlike networking, to which Delany relates it, contact is spontaneous and non-competitive, non-capitalistic.

I want to treat my life more like a nightclub smoking area, if you like to go looking for contact.

I have a feeling that it is everywhere, so long as you render yourself open to it.

Contact is how we survive this world together more than survive.

It is the antidote to xenophobia, to all kinds of othering.

VR Score

Informative language

Neutral language

Article tone

informal

Language

English

Language complexity

Offensive language

offensive

Hate speech

not hateful

Attention-grabbing headline

not detected

Known propaganda techniques

not detected

Time-value

long-living

External references

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https://I%20t%E2%80%99s%20a%20weird%20start,%20but%20go%20with%20me.%20First%20encounters%20with%20strangers%20are,%20by%20their%20nature,%20unex-pected.%20That%E2%80%99s%20what%20makes%20them%20so%20potentially%20electric.%20I%20was%20visiting%20an%20old%20friend%20in%20Berlin%20whom%20I%20hadn%E2%80%99t%20seen%20for%20many%20years.%20On%20my%20final%20day%20I%20wanted%20to%20do%20what%20everyone%20who%20appre-ciates%20a%20good%20dance%20wants%20to%20do%20when%20there:%20go%20to%20Berghain,%20the%20city%E2%80%99s%20most%20beloved%20club.%20At%20first%20sight,%20an%20enormous%20block%20of%20imposing%20concrete%20in%20the%20old%20east.%20It%20was%20a%20Sunday%20afternoon:%20no%20queue,%20just%20sweaty%20sexy%20people%20drifting%20out%20through%20the%20exit%20to%20be%20disarmed%20by%20the%20sunlight.%20It%20takes%20me%20a%20while%20to%20warm%20up%20to%20my%20body%20as%20a%20subject%20in%20motion%20on%20a%20dancefloor,%20but%20once%20that%E2%80%99s%20happened,%20almost%20nothing%20gives%20me%20greater%20pleasure.%20Except%20for%20the%20smoking%20area.%20I%20swear%20these%20are%20the%20most%20beautiful%20places%20in%20the%20world.%20Under%20the%20canopy%20of%20smoke,%20every%20sin-gle%20shimmering%20person%20is%20held%20in%20deep%20amorous%20conversation%20with%20someone%20else.%20It%20shouldn%E2%80%99t%20be%20rare,%20but%20these%20days%20it%20is.%20You%20could%20blame%20the%20alcohol%20or%20the%20drugs,%20but%20I%20blame%20the%20dancing:%20every%20movement%20you%20make%20in%20answer%20to%20the%20hard,%20heavy%20music%20strips%20away%20something%20from%20your%20usual%20reserve,%20and%20gradually%20you%20feel%20yourself%20become%20unlocked,%20opened,%20until%20you%E2%80%99re%20al-most%20infant-like%20in%20your%20frame%20of%20mind.%20Every%20hour%20I%20would%20head%20back%20out%20into%20the%20smoking%20area%20to%20encounter%20strangers.%20I%20met%20an%20army%20veteran%20from%20Belgium%20who%20said%20techno%20helps%20more%20than%20anything%20else%20with%20his%20PTSD,%20and%20a%20Russian%20facing%20arrest%20back%20in%20her%20country%20for%20speaking%20out%20against%20Putin%E2%80%99s%20regime.%20It%20felt%20like%20none%20of%20the%20conversations%20I%20had%20that%20night%20were%20disingenuous%20or%20superficial.%20I%20felt%20I%20could%20do%20this%20forever%20%E2%80%93%20back%20and%20forth%20between%20these%20two%20states:%20dancing,%20then%20talking%20to%20strangers;%20breath-ing%20in,%20then%20breathing%20out%20%E2%80%93%20but%20I%20had%20a%20flight%20early%20the%20next%20morning%20to%20catch.%20We%20need%20contact.%20That%E2%80%99s%20not%20my%20line;%20I%20pinched%20it%20from%20the%20sci-fi%20writer%20Samuel%20R%20Delany%E2%80%99s%20Times%20Square%20Red,%20Times%20Square%20Blue%20(1999),%20a%20non-fiction%20book%20comprising%20two%20extended%20es-says%20that%20first%20detail%20the%20author%E2%80%99s%20experience%20of%20spending%20time%20in%20gay%20pornography%20theatres%20in%20Times%20Square%20between%20the%201970s%20and%20early%201990s.%20His%20argument%20is%20that%20public%20spaces%20in%20urban%20environments%20are%20vital%20sites%20for%20interclass%20contact,%20especially%20those%20designed%20specifically%20with%20desire%20in%20mind.%20For%20desire%20and%20knowledge,%20body%20and%20mind,%20are%20often%20imbricated,%20he%20writes,%20functioning%20as%20%E2%80%9Cmutually%20constitutive%20aspects%20of%20political%20and%20social%20life%E2%80%9D.%20Delany%20defines%20contact%20as%20a%20particular%20kind%20of%20social%20practice.%20It%20is%20the%20discussion%20that%20begins%20with%20a%20stranger%20at%20the%20bar,%20or%20the%20one%20that%20emerges%20unexpectedly%20in%20the%20supermarket%20queue,%20or%20the%20bus%20stop%20or%20the%20nightclub%20%E2%80%93%20sudden%20sparks%20out%20of%20the%20dull%20impersonal%20drudgery%20of%20daily%20life.%20Contact%20can%20save%20our%20lives%20in%20small%20ways,%20by%20reminding%20us%20in%20an%20instant%20that%20almost%20all%20the%20time%20there%20are%20good%20people%20within%20touching%20distance,%20or%20in%20more%20significant%20ways:%20say%20there%E2%80%99s%20a%20fire%20in%20your%20building,%20Delany%20suggests,%20%E2%80%9Cit%20may%20be%20the%20people%20who%20have%20been%20exchanging%20pleasant-ries%20with%20you%20for%20years%20who%20take%20you%20into%20their%20home%E2%80%9D.%20Unlike%20networking,%20to%20which%20Delany%20re-lates%20it,%20contact%20is%20spontaneous,%20non-competitive,%20non-capitalistic.%20Contact%20is%20how%20we%20retain%20the%20souls%20of%20our%20cities%20from%20annihilation%20by%20the%20corporatisation%20of%20all%20public%20space.%20Delany%E2%80%99s%20book%20is%20really%20a%20eulogy%20because%20by%20the%20time%20of%20writing,%20almost%20all%20the%20porn%20theatres%20had%20been%20demolished:%20replaced%20by%20vacant%20malls%20and%20offices,%20%E2%80%9Ca%20glass%20and%20aluminium%20grave-yard%E2%80%9D.%20From%201985%20onwards,%20New%20York%20began%20closing%20down%20institutions%20that%20were%20deemed%20to%20promote%20%E2%80%9Chigh-risk%20sexual%20activity%E2%80%9D,%20especially%20those%20used%20by%20gay%20men,%20such%20as%20bathhouses%20and%20the%20porn%20theatres%20of%20Times%20Square.%20Ostensibly,%20this%20was%20all%20done%20in%20the%20name%20of%20%E2%80%9Csafety%E2%80%9D,%20a%20re-sponse%20to%20Aids,%20but%20really%20it%20was%20a%20cynical%20weaponisation%20of%20that%20term.%20%E2%80%9CContemporary%20material%20and%20economic%20forces%E2%80%9D%20work%20%E2%80%9Cto%20suppress%20contact%E2%80%9D,%20Delany%20writes.%20Such%20forces%20promote%20the%20idea%20of%20the%20Other%20(gay%20or%20immigrant%20or%20working%20class)%20as%20an%20object%20of%20fear.%20I%20read%20it%20immediately%20after%20the%20UK%20Supreme%20Court%20ruled%20that%20the%20legal%20definition%20of%20a%20woman%20refers%20only%20to%20biological%20women.%20I%20feel%20that%20there%20are%20obvious%20parallels%20between%20Delany%E2%80%99s%20argument%20and%20that%20ruling.%20In%20the%20Times%20Square%20porn%20theatres,%20Delany%20passed%20whole%20days,%20talking%20and%20fucking%20and%20hanging%20out,%20all%20lit%20by%20the%20soft%20glow%20of%20the%20cinema%20screen.%20What%20happened%20to%20Times%20Square%20left%20him%20%E2%80%9Clonely%20and%20isolated%E2%80%9D.%20The%20freedom%20to%20be%20gay,%20he%20explains,%20is%20no%20freedom%20if%20the%20institutions%20where%20you%20might%20embody%20and%20enact%20your%20sexuality%20are%20shut%20down.%20The%20freedom%20to%20be%20trans%20is%20no%20freedom%20if%20the%20public%20spaces%20you%20can%20attend%20are%20gradually%20eroded.%20Freedom%20is%20something%20which%20is%20interdependent;%20none%20of%20us%20is%20truly%20free%20until%20everyone%20is.%20Public%20spaces%20are%20for%20making%20contact.%20Contact%20is%20how%20we%20survive%20this%20world%20together%20%E2%80%93%20more%20than%20survive:%20experience%20life%20as%20genuinely%20pleasurable%20and%20meaningful.%20It%20is%20the%20antidote%20to%20xenophobia,%20to%20all%20kinds%20of%20othering.%20That%E2%80%99s%20why%20I%E2%80%99m%20calling%20this%20column%20%E2%80%9CContact%E2%80%9D.%20I%20want%20to%20treat%20my%20life%20more%20like%20a%20nightclub%20smoking%20area,%20if%20you%20like%20%E2%80%93%20to%20go%20looking%20for%20contact,%20because%20I%20have%20a%20feeling%20that%20it%20is%20everywhere,%20so%20long%20as%20you%20render%20yourself%20open%20to%20it.%20So,%20hello,%20stranger.%20Nice%20to%20meet%20you.https://secure.newstatesman.com/subscribe2

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